Here's a quarantine-adjusted, anniversary photo shoot lol. There is also a few favorites from the wedding.
Year one, we made it. It feels really good to say that out loud in a time where marriage, especially for young couples, isn't taken seriously. However, I won't sit here and pretend to type a novel about how this year has been nothing but love and butterflies. We have both been tested throughout this year of growth and hardship. But we choose to look back on each hard situation and find the lesson learned.
We all know the scripture Ephesians 5:22-33, "For wives, this means submit to your husband as the Lord...For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church." Even if you did not know the exact scripture, we have all heard it from a pastor or a parent. I think Roy and I both wanted to embody this teaching in our marriage, but sometimes our personalities made it difficult (me mostly). You see, I like to be in charge and in the know. I am a planner when it comes to my home and my space. He also likes things to be his way; HOWEVER, he is not a planner, he tends to just go with the flow. So "submitting" to him at first was difficult. I had to learn that I don't always have to win (HUGE LESSON).
This morning when we got up, we decided to ask each other what we have learned from this year of marriage. Below are some of our answers we wanted to share for anyone who is a young newlywed couple or even anyone who is single and waiting for their forever partner. Disclaimer, we are not specialists, but we love sharing anything we have learned that might help someone else.
1. GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING: I put this in all caps because it is very important. We went to pre-marital counseling as well and I can't tell you how much it saved us. We still go now every few weeks. I used to think something had to be wrong in order to go to counseling but we've found it helps to go every few weeks just to have an outside perspective.
2. Communication is everything: This is a big topic we discuss in counseling. It seems simple until you want to bite your husband's head off for not "remembering" to do the laundry. Now, that is a simple problem but as we've learned, when you do not communicate well with the small things, you won't communicate well with the important things either.
3. Compromise/You don't always have to win: Our counselor told me this once in a session. As I stated before, I like to be in control so it was hard for me to let go of an argument where I thought I was right. I wanted him to admit he was wrong (which he hates to do). But arguing over who is right and wrong is not worth the stress on your relationship; talk it out and learn how both of you can be happy with the result.
4. Lose Expectations/Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: Ladies, I know it's hard, but when he doesn't pick up his dirty socks and place them in the laundry basket 3 feet away, don't start a riot. I enjoy a clean and tidy space, so I could not understand why he couldn't simply put his clothes away or wash that ONE dirty spoon. I had to learn it just isn't worth fighting over. We learned in counseling (I'm telling y'all it's the best) to sit down once a week and create a list of the things that need to be done; this way, there's clear communication for what needs to be taken care of and how/when it can be done.
5. Learn Each Other's Love Language: We did this in pre-marital counseling and it helped tremendously. From the start, we were able to learn to not just love each other, but to approach each other in the right way when we're upset.
Overall, we've seen so much growth in our marriage, as well as in both of us individually, and I am so excited to spend the rest of our lives learning more!
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